assalam. guwa tak pasti belog guwa ni ada orang nak baca ke tidak tp, err tak kisahlah. guwa nak buat post jugak since ni satu satunya medium yang boleh buat guwa tak serabut otak dan mengganggu sistem kumbahan guwa. haha.
heh. dalam blogpost sebelum ni guwa macam ada tersebut pasal lima golden rules kan. so harini guwa nak bercerita laa pasal golden rules guwa ni.
ekceli, takde siapa pun yang tahu kewujudan golden rules ni. even not my besties incik Oppa, Omma Halila dan semua lah. ni je first time dlm sejarah guwa reveal kewujudan golden rules guwa ni.
sejarahnya, golden rules ni tercipta hasil drp perasaan frust tergolek terhumban guwa terhadap first love guwa, LeeLee. that time i was 18. baru nak masuk part 2 asasi undang undang. sebelum ni zaman sekolah adalah guwa crush situ sana sini, skandal sini sana situ. tp takdelah serious. tp dengan mamat bertuah comel ni jelah yg guwa seriousnya. huii jangan tak tahu, siap plan tu acah acah nak amek master sama sama lepas kahwin. bhahaha dasat gila doh. in short, sayang gila jugak laa and when it ended, guwa meroyan agak lama. dia punya tahap frust tu perghh makan tahun. dalam 3 tahun gak laa guwa tunggu dia ni. degree sem 3 which is after 2 tahun baru kitorang bercakap and tegur semula macam biasa. perasaan tu mmg ada. menyesal, suka, sayang, marah semua ada tp after sem 3 tu guwa dan dia pun da boleh content perasaan tu. and kawan jelah macam biasa walaupun sgt jarang bertegur.
okay, menyimpang. berbalik kepada apam balik, lepas je clash dgn dia tu, guwa sumpah jadi kosong gila. takde perasaan kat sesape walaupun banyak yg test line. so nak dijadikan cerita, guwa develop satu perasaan ni; perasaan nk mainkan semua orang. berperasaan nak membuayakan diri so semua akan rasa sakit frust bercinta camne yg guwa rasa. jahat? memang pun. haha. lepas break tu mmg tak dinafikan guwa agak jahat. rebel sana sini, dan kuat berjoli. bukan pegi clubbing headbang semua tu. joli in terms of guwa suka berjalan sorang sorang. pegi kl sorang sorang semata mata sebab bosan. pegi tengok konsert Mystery Jets sorang sorang, tengok teater kt KLPac sorang sorang. ada laa time tu best guyfriends guwa akan teman contoh pegi konsert paramore ke, pegi tengok Sigur Ross ke. yang macam bahaya sikit crowdnya tu adalah Kurt datang teman.
Ya Allah, menyimpang lagi! okay. golden rules ni fungsinya adalah sebagai defence mechanism guwa supaya guwa dapat membuayakan diri (*read: playboy, mainkan hati lelaki) dengan jayanya dan utk mengelakkan sebarang emotional attachment and frustration.
Rules #1 : never speak of your true feelings.
tak kisah ah korang rasa jijik ke, rasa dia tak hensem ke, rasa dia ni skema sgt ke sampai rambut belah tengah, butang baju sampai ke dagu, or korang mmg totally smitten dgn dia eg: dia hensem gila, baik gila, korang rindu dia ke apa. Don't Say It. just don't. guwa takkan puji walaupun adalah sorang ni dulu hensem mcm henry golding doh. guwa takkan ckp apa yg guwa rasa sbb once kau jujur tentang perasaan kau, unconsciously kau sebenarnya da buat emotional ties dgn dia. so, if plan kau just nak membuaya, buat apa nak confess apa apa. takpayah nak jujur sgt lah! (*gelak jahat). dan lagi, when we play hard to catch and hard to read, lagilah lelaki kejar. well, we need to maintain the market kan? (*sila muntah pelangi sekarang)
Rules#2 : remember important dates
haha. ingat girls je ke mengada nak kena ingat bila birthday, bila fist time date, bila first time jumpa? eh lelaki pun sama kott. always remember important dates. ni selalu guwa save dlm calendar fon. haha. buat reminder bila birthday dia. sbb bila kita ingat, dia akan rasa kita cares. so dia akan sentiasa rasa smitten dgn kita. lalala.
Rules#3 : observe and do what he likes
dia suka lagu The Strokes? well, kau cuba search
lagu tu kat youtube, then cakap "awak taw tak lagu Last Night by The Strokes tu? sedap. sy suka gila." Dia suka kanak kanak? cuba post gambar pegang baby kat twitter. dia suka makan laksa, cakap kau tengah belajar masak laksa dari mama. kompom dia smitten dgn kau. norma manusia, mereka akan cari persamaan to make compatibility. bila dia rasa macam banyak gila benda sama yg kau suka, dia suka, dia akan fikir korang ada chemistry. sedangkan hakikatnya..hahaha (*guwa mmg jahat gila dulu. i'm a very bad person. faker, pretender, back then)
Rules#4 : never put sentimental values on people
well. sentimental value ye. susah nak terangkan bab ni sebab guwa baru je break rules#4 ni semalam. sentimental values ni mcm, kau samakan dia dengan ex boyfriend kau. kau nak kat dia, sebab dia seiras dgn ex kau. susahlah camtu. bila kau letak sentimental value, kau susah nak move on. to play safe, don't do it.
Rules#5 : lu pikir laa sendiri
yes, guwa tak melawak. kena pikir sendiri mengikut situasi sbb manusia ni lain lain attitudenya. so utk #5 mmg takde concrete rules. kau kena adapt and adopt. okay. nanti aku cerita lagi. busy ni. haha bye.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Monday, September 15, 2014
notes of nonsense #126: persoalan eksistensialis dalam diri
assalam. hai. lama tak menaip. sebab guwa da lama takde laptop and hidup guwa totally dependant on tab semata mata. tak tahu kenapa guwa start menulis semula. padahal tak best kott menulis pakai tab. sakit kepala tahu?
haha. sebenarnya guwa da nak mansuhkan aje blog sampah ni. eh ingat akta hasutan je ke yg nak kena mansuh? blog ni pun bole jugak. haha. tapi since 3, 4 hari ni guwa agak serabut otak, so tu sebabnya guwa menulis semula.
guwa ada satu persoalan. kau sayangkan seseorang ni. terlalu sayang bagai nak gila. but on one incident, you makes him so mad and he left. you and him didn't talk for years. removed from friendlist fb, request friends pun ignored. then sampai satu tahap, kau rasa pasrah je pada takdir. kau biarkan saje takdir yg tentukan destiny korang walaupun hati korang sumpah tersiat. you distanced yourselves from each other, on reason yg korang nak tanamkan rasa benci dlm diri korang but the moment of truth is, korang sebenarnya berharap yg korang berdua menjalani hubungan tu mcm biasa, macam dulu. berjoli katak malam malam kat chow kit tengok mat rempit and belen, share snack plate makan berdua, baring kat kfc sambil selfie depan webcam, berlaga kepala dekat eskalator time square, acah acah tiger dance dalam ktm. you know, do things that makes you happy, makes you alive, makes you, the real you. orang yg sayangkan kau, who loves you before you had everything, who loves you for simply being you. who show you sunshine when all you had left is only shadows this one people, who so believe in you that you started to believe in yourself again.
guwa ada sorang ni. that makes me feel that way. dlm byk2 person dlm hidup aku, dia laa aku punya archilles heels, dan juga kekuatan aku. satu satunya insan yg aku tak boleh pandang tepat pada mata, yg guwa jd speechless bila berkata, yg sentiasa buat aku rasa hidup dlm ertikata sebenar. no hypocritsy, selfless, immense. even buat benda simple dgn dia, melepak dkt mamak minum milo ais and makan roti telur, aku rasa, bahagia sgt2. dia satu satunya orang yg boleh buat my heart sings when i'm with him.
aku sendiri sebenarnya tak faham dgn relationship ni. cuma aku harap, ia takkan berakhir. aku sendir pun takley nak name what type of relationship that we had at this time. yg penting, apa yg aku rasa, saya sayang awak bagai nak gila. i thought i already removed you in my life, tapi ekceli, tolak semua ego dan super ego aku, kau adalah id aku. dan kaulah kunci id aku. let us be honest. aku berkawan dgn ramai org. but sebenarnya org yg terpilih rapat dgn aku, mesti ada karekteristik kau here and there. mata, cara jalan, rambut, the way he smiles, suara, etc etc.
aku taktaw apa rasa kau pada aku, tp apa yg aku rasa pd kau is, you makes me happy beyond everything and anything. you makes me feel alive. dengan kau, aku boleh jadi Fara, yg suka pakai skinny dgn shirt dan sneakers. yg suka lawan cakap, yg suka tergolek terbalik dlm ktm, yg mulut murai and forever suka mendera kau. haha. dgn kau adalah saat aku tak hipokrit, tak cuba berlakon utk jadi org lain. aku tak payah ubah apa apa pun dgn kau.takpayah nakpakai dress, nak ckp slow slow bagai. haha. awak stu je manusia yg boleh buat sy bercakap dlm tone menjerit. excited nye pasal.
awak, i'm so attached to you, sub-consciously. yes, saya ada lima golden rules of buaya-ism. camne nak repel people. golden rules yg selama ni sy praktis as defence mechanism sy supaya sy tak attach emotionally dgn sesiapa. tp dgn awk, my golden rules is rubbish. because here, deepest part of my heart, you're already tattooed there. sy jd buaya, ramai crush here and there, semata mata sbb nak fulfill gap yg awk tinggalkan dlm sini. i tried years after years to replace you, jd org lain, but you still there. irreplaceable.
bila jadi buaya, kenal macam macam jenis orang, sy jd lost dgn golden rules yg sy cipta sendiri. sy jadi taktaw apa yg sy nak. oh that guy there, comel. ada iras awk pd rambut. oh that dude here,wow mata sepet like you. nampak tak sy da letakkan awk as characteristic dm sy berkawan dgn org?
i've put sentimental value on people. and that value is you. and here i am. lost. mencari awak. menidakkan awak. i want you, but i'm not gonna say that i want you.cause i fear that you will reject me. again and again. yes, ni perasaan paling bangang dan celaka sekali. my golden rules is destroying me. aku lost sbb banyak sgt deny attachment aku pd kau.
haha. padan muka aku. losing you, losing myself, jd buaya tanpa arah tuju. greed is good. but it is you that i want but can't get. haha. sy sayang awak bagai nak gila. then, now always. did you feel the same about me?
"now tell me, kita berdua ni sama je kan? kita berdua tak tahu apa yg kita nak,"
"hmm, we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year. running at the same old ground, and what have we found? same old fear."
kau nak. dia nak. tapi kau dan dia takut utk ambil peluang. takut pd circumstances yg mendatang. arghh ni adalah perasaan paling celaka pernah aku rasa setakat ini.
haha. sebenarnya guwa da nak mansuhkan aje blog sampah ni. eh ingat akta hasutan je ke yg nak kena mansuh? blog ni pun bole jugak. haha. tapi since 3, 4 hari ni guwa agak serabut otak, so tu sebabnya guwa menulis semula.
guwa ada satu persoalan. kau sayangkan seseorang ni. terlalu sayang bagai nak gila. but on one incident, you makes him so mad and he left. you and him didn't talk for years. removed from friendlist fb, request friends pun ignored. then sampai satu tahap, kau rasa pasrah je pada takdir. kau biarkan saje takdir yg tentukan destiny korang walaupun hati korang sumpah tersiat. you distanced yourselves from each other, on reason yg korang nak tanamkan rasa benci dlm diri korang but the moment of truth is, korang sebenarnya berharap yg korang berdua menjalani hubungan tu mcm biasa, macam dulu. berjoli katak malam malam kat chow kit tengok mat rempit and belen, share snack plate makan berdua, baring kat kfc sambil selfie depan webcam, berlaga kepala dekat eskalator time square, acah acah tiger dance dalam ktm. you know, do things that makes you happy, makes you alive, makes you, the real you. orang yg sayangkan kau, who loves you before you had everything, who loves you for simply being you. who show you sunshine when all you had left is only shadows this one people, who so believe in you that you started to believe in yourself again.
guwa ada sorang ni. that makes me feel that way. dlm byk2 person dlm hidup aku, dia laa aku punya archilles heels, dan juga kekuatan aku. satu satunya insan yg aku tak boleh pandang tepat pada mata, yg guwa jd speechless bila berkata, yg sentiasa buat aku rasa hidup dlm ertikata sebenar. no hypocritsy, selfless, immense. even buat benda simple dgn dia, melepak dkt mamak minum milo ais and makan roti telur, aku rasa, bahagia sgt2. dia satu satunya orang yg boleh buat my heart sings when i'm with him.
aku sendiri sebenarnya tak faham dgn relationship ni. cuma aku harap, ia takkan berakhir. aku sendir pun takley nak name what type of relationship that we had at this time. yg penting, apa yg aku rasa, saya sayang awak bagai nak gila. i thought i already removed you in my life, tapi ekceli, tolak semua ego dan super ego aku, kau adalah id aku. dan kaulah kunci id aku. let us be honest. aku berkawan dgn ramai org. but sebenarnya org yg terpilih rapat dgn aku, mesti ada karekteristik kau here and there. mata, cara jalan, rambut, the way he smiles, suara, etc etc.
aku taktaw apa rasa kau pada aku, tp apa yg aku rasa pd kau is, you makes me happy beyond everything and anything. you makes me feel alive. dengan kau, aku boleh jadi Fara, yg suka pakai skinny dgn shirt dan sneakers. yg suka lawan cakap, yg suka tergolek terbalik dlm ktm, yg mulut murai and forever suka mendera kau. haha. dgn kau adalah saat aku tak hipokrit, tak cuba berlakon utk jadi org lain. aku tak payah ubah apa apa pun dgn kau.takpayah nakpakai dress, nak ckp slow slow bagai. haha. awak stu je manusia yg boleh buat sy bercakap dlm tone menjerit. excited nye pasal.
awak, i'm so attached to you, sub-consciously. yes, saya ada lima golden rules of buaya-ism. camne nak repel people. golden rules yg selama ni sy praktis as defence mechanism sy supaya sy tak attach emotionally dgn sesiapa. tp dgn awk, my golden rules is rubbish. because here, deepest part of my heart, you're already tattooed there. sy jd buaya, ramai crush here and there, semata mata sbb nak fulfill gap yg awk tinggalkan dlm sini. i tried years after years to replace you, jd org lain, but you still there. irreplaceable.
bila jadi buaya, kenal macam macam jenis orang, sy jd lost dgn golden rules yg sy cipta sendiri. sy jadi taktaw apa yg sy nak. oh that guy there, comel. ada iras awk pd rambut. oh that dude here,wow mata sepet like you. nampak tak sy da letakkan awk as characteristic dm sy berkawan dgn org?
i've put sentimental value on people. and that value is you. and here i am. lost. mencari awak. menidakkan awak. i want you, but i'm not gonna say that i want you.cause i fear that you will reject me. again and again. yes, ni perasaan paling bangang dan celaka sekali. my golden rules is destroying me. aku lost sbb banyak sgt deny attachment aku pd kau.
haha. padan muka aku. losing you, losing myself, jd buaya tanpa arah tuju. greed is good. but it is you that i want but can't get. haha. sy sayang awak bagai nak gila. then, now always. did you feel the same about me?
"now tell me, kita berdua ni sama je kan? kita berdua tak tahu apa yg kita nak,"
"hmm, we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year. running at the same old ground, and what have we found? same old fear."
kau nak. dia nak. tapi kau dan dia takut utk ambil peluang. takut pd circumstances yg mendatang. arghh ni adalah perasaan paling celaka pernah aku rasa setakat ini.
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