well, i hate when i'm sick. yeww serbanistas semua, sakit menggugurkan dosa. i know. bukan tak suka sakit, tapi guwa tak suka feeling bila time guwa sakit. i just feel..needy and wanting someone to lean on. wanting to cry out loud, wanting to be calmed, caressed, nostalgic and longing for someone to hold on. i just felt weak mentally and physically during the not so well times. and tahukah anda, perasaan tuu sangat tak best?
bila demam, me just teringat LeeLee. me just wanting LeeLee. tak, in present circumstances, guwa taknak ponn hope untuk LeeLee ada sebelah guwa, tuam dahi guwa ke apa semua tuu. taknak. just enough if dia just can give me a short message "Lala, take care and get well soon.". that 6 words enough to makes me feel better already. omg, i'm sobbing hardly while typing this. :'(
maigadddd. i hate to feel this way. i just hate myself. i hate myself because i can never let you go. i hate myself for hurting my own self this bad. Ya Khaliq, please, don't make me rely onto people. don't make me lives in memories. if he didn't meant to be mine, please make me redha to let him go from my heart. if he isn't mine, please don't let me wait for him again. if my name didn't written to be his zaujah in Luh Mahfuz, please take away all these love and misses that i had accumulated for him over these years. i'm already weak from the nothingness that tangled around my heart. :'(((
all this time, i've had lied to people, lied to myself. i pretend to be happy, pretend to have moved on, pretend to have someone else, but in reality, no matter how much i tried to conceal my feeling to myself, deep inside, i always love and miss you, LeeLee. only you didn't know how this time i've waited for you loyally, never stop mentioning you in my prayers, done this, done that, everything. why? because even with you was the shortest relationship period i ever had, but only you whom had carved inside my heart and my soul. i love you Muhd Fadhli, always.
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