notes of nonsense #104: if i fell in love with you

If I Fell - The Beatles

If I fell in love with you 
Would you promise to be true 
And help me understand 
'Cause I've been in love before 
And I found that love was more 
Than just holding hands 

If I give my heart to you 
I must be sure 
From the very start 
That you would love me more than her 

If I trust in you oh please 
Don't run and hide 
If I love you too oh please 
Don't hurt my pride like her 

'Cause I couldn't stand the pain 
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain 

So I hope you see that I 
Would love to love you 
And that she will cry 
When she learns we are two 
If I fell in love with you

PS: oh well, my all time favorite.  always had been so beautiful, so meaningful. most importantly, it describes me well. :)

notes of nonsense #103: i don't have any heart left

seriously, i need a counselor. i need space and time for myself. do let me to be alone. i've been hurt, wounded, torn apart. sometimes, it made me the tough chick. sometimes it made me be me. but sometimes, at certain times, all the memories that i've tried to drown inside my, just popped and resurfaced. and there's when i'm torn, fragile. like a bullet made of glass. wounded others, and at the same time, be broken itself.

torn to pieces. shattered. crumpled. don't ask why i can't start loving and caring for people. i've lost my heart long ago. fear of being hurt had made me crippled. i wasn't the same Fara as you knew me before. and you can't treat me as the same Fara today. i've changed. from the long period of me waiting you, some heartbrokes in the middle, some mistakes in between the times, some pains, stitches, cuts.

i've lost my heart. and i'm losing my mind too. Allah, help me. i'm no one without you.  :'(

notes of nonsense #101: nightmare

ekceli, kebelakangan ni guwa selalu mimpi lu, LeeLee. even guwa busy nak mati ponn, still guwa teringat lu gak. juz aritu satu hari guwa busy sangat, ada test. tidoq lewat. rasanya da basuh kaki, pakai bedak sejuk semua. then guwa dapat mimpi pasal lu. i woke up, crying. wailing. chanting your name. chanting prayers for your safety.

i had a nightmare. about you. you involved in serious accident. you were paralyzed from hips below. you lost your ability to speak. swollen face. and i come to visit you. there's no one taking care of you. you were alone. waiting. dissolves in stabbing pain. and i sit there beside you. silence. you only stare at me. can't speak. but i understand. you want me to be there. i know. and i'm the one taking care of you for the rest of your life. you wanted me to move on, leaving you. but nevertheless, i keep hold of you. till the last breath of yours.

i woke up, sweating, crying, chanting prayers for your safety. till now, i still can't get rid of that dream from my mind. LeeLee, anywhere you are, do take care. i can't take care of you anymore, i leave you in Allah's shelter. only He who knows what is hidden. :')

notes of nonsense #100: suka awak

kalau suka cakap suka. guwa tak paham hint hint ni. guwa slow sikit bab bab implied meaning ni. sebab tuu kott subjek BEL memanjang dapat B. haha. anyway, kalau suka, cakap setepek terus ke muka guwa ye? guwa memang tak reti baca sign language ni. kahkah.

notes of nonsense #99: tragedi tak boleh balik

words of the day: TIKET KE SHAH ALAM BUAT MASA TERDEKAT HABIS. HARAP MAKLUM.

fffffffuuuuuuu! guwa rasa nak mencarut jugak kann. every counter bus yang guwa tanya tiket takde. demmit. baik pasir gudang, larkin and sri putri. sampai ke pontian kott carik tiket semata mata nak balik shah alam. but takde gak. mama guwa memang nak hantar tapi cannot. adik guwa yang sekolah menengah tuu exam isnin nanti. so, guwa kena balik hari isnin 9.30 pagi. tuu ponn tiket paling awal laa yang guwa bole jumpa. huu, sisparians semua.. sorry. seriously memang guwa nak sangat balik doe. tapi tiket takde. guwa tak tipu ni. betul tiket takde. guwa sendiri ponn tak expect tiket semua sold out. :(

notes of nonsense #98: mimpi

Bintang bertaburan di langit malam. Langit hitam pekat menjadi kamar dua insan sedang menyulam kasih dan rindu yang telah menggunung sekian lama. Lebih 2 tahun mereka menanti dan malam ini, mereka telah bersama kembali. Faraa baring menghadap tubuh Lee. Menatap matanya bagaikan mahu meluruhkan segala bebanan rindu dan bebanan emosi yang telah ditanggung selama ini. Figura tubuh Lee yang sedang berbaring di sebelahnya di atas padang itu masih lagi sama seperti dua tahun lepas. Rambutnya masih lagi spike, baunya masih lagi haruman Adidas yang sama, tingginya masih lagi membuatkan Faraa mendongak ketika memandangnya, tubuh itu masih sama ketika terakhir Faraa melihatnya, mata itu masih sama, kuyu dan redup macam mata Garfield, dan perasaan itu masih sama seperti sebelum mereka terpisah.

Lee memandang Fara dengan Garfield eyes-nya. Lama. Pelukan dieratkan. Bibirnya pantas melekap di dahi Faraa. “ I love you, baby..”

Faraa memandang mata Lee. Tapak tangannya mengusap kedua dua belah pipi Lee. Faraa masih lagi terkesima dan akhirnya perlahan lahan, bibirnya mula menguntum senyum. “I love you too, b..”

Dan figura Lee yang tadinya crystal clear, bertukar menjadi bayangan kelam. Semakin hilang dan akhirnya, hanyalah tinggal Faraa keseorangan. Bintang sudah tenggelam, bersama hilangnya Lee dari pelukan. Hanya ayat terakhirnya yang masih kedengaran menjadi simbolik perpisahan.

P/S: guwa taktaw kenapa guwa boleh mimpi camni malam tadi. ekceli, malam tadi before tidur guwa berdoa, "aku serahkan Lee hanya dalam jagaanMu Ya Allah. kiranya ada jodoh kami, maka kami akan kembali semula.". rasanya camtu laa doa guwa malam tadi. tetiba boleh pulak dapat mimpi camni. then after cakap iloveyou too tuu, terus mimpi tuu hilang. hmm. petunjuk ke? kalau ya, apa maknanya?

notes of nonsense #97: tragedi oktober

may October this year be better than the last. i really hope that. sebab guwa rasa bulan Oktober ni bulan paling berat (a.k.a suwey). bulan Oktober paling banyak ah dugaan guwa rasa. sakit, assignments, tests, debate, presentations, member member guwa bergaduh, guwa bergaduh besar dengan Kurt and Harraz sampai Kurt gunting rambut segala, orang sekeliling guwa sibuk putus cinta even da couple lama, etc etc. yang paling suwey time Oktober is, well Oktober 2 tahun lepas guwa break dengan Lee. huhu. 30 Oktober 2010. uhuhuhuhuhuuuu. :'( salahkan Awie kalau Oktober korang suwey jugak macam guwa. kalau Awie tak nyanyi lagu Tragedi Oktober tuu guwa rasa ada probabilities yang bulan Oktober takkan se-suwey sekarang. :P

lagi satu, laptop guwa baru je lepas masuk air Teh O. nasib baik Teh O tuu tak panas and tak berapa nak manis. kalau tak kompom ah melekit laptop guwa. silap silap semut berumah tangga dalam laptop guwa ni. nampak tak ke-suwey-an Oktober dalam konteks diatas? October last year laptop guwa jatuh. this year laptop guwa ngeteh air Teh O pulak. segelas besar pulak tuu. tuannya tak sempat nak minum laptop da minum dulu. nasib baik guwa sempat willie-kan laptop ni so air tuu tak sempat sangat nak meresap masuk motherboard. gila kau kalau masuk. memang tak ber-laptop laa guwa lepas ni. so far keyboard oke lagi. boleh lagi type post untuk blog sampah ni. walaupun huruf melekat lekat kat underboard time menaip. and bunyi macam yekkk sikit. just touch pad yang guwa rasa prob sikit. tak berapa nak detect da. cursor ponn lari. ni guwa kena pakai mouse. hmm harapnya esok guwa bangun, da oke laa laptop guwa ni. :'( sedih woi kalau rosak. baru bulan Jun aritu Mario (*nama laptop) guwa sambut birthday ke 2 tahun.

*Marioku sewaktu sihat :'(*

please baby. hold on to Mamma. me loves you so bad. huwaaaaaa Mario cepatlaa sihat balik. :'(

notes of nonsense #96: new baby

hehe. pebret best prengg guwa untuk masa ni. break up sekejap dengan Adidas high cut guwa. even pakai baju kurung or skirt sekalipun, mesti nak jugak pakai kasut kungfu ni. i love you kasut kungfu. please jangan rabak sampai hujung sem. please. :P

P/S: post tanpa motif. saje boring. penat sebenarnya study case dari petang tadi. nampak tak ketekunan guwa sem ni? acehwahh. :P

notes of nonsense #95: september the jimba-ers

 15 September 2012

*me, Elyn dan tiang bus Rapid*

*selca-ing kat KFC Bukit Bintang. bintanglaa sangat.*

*dalam ktm otw balik Shah Alam. Lyn bergaya makcik yang tak tahan tuu*

*fun times with <3*

*memborong mooncake kat Giant Sungei Wang*

*makan mooncake mengalahkan Cine tapi tak sepet jugak mata memasing. :P*

 17 September 2012

*me and Yaya Chan time jamuan raya SISPA*

 21 September 2012

*froyo Snogurt SS7. <3 mixed berries flavor! sedap!*

*muka budak demam tapi bedal froyo tengah tengah malam*

*berkarok selepas kenyang ber-froyo*

 23 September 2012

*toilet Sunway takde pili ye. siapa nak cebok sila bawak botol *

*my first skirt ever. rasa tua pulak bila pakai feminin camni*

*spot the similarities?*

*sausages dogs Auntie Anne's + soft porn reading material = happy  face*

*lunchieee ayam Mekdi + ayaq Melo*

*sunway katanyaaaaa*

*self capture jangan dilupa. mind the chubby cheeks. arghh. :P*

THE END

P/S: Harraz called me as 'Untouchable'. why ah? maybe my sombong + garang face kott. hmm. ekceli i'm not that garang and sombong laa. approach me first then you'll know how gila i can made your life be. kehkeh. :P

notes of nonsense #94: always

assalammualaikum. hari ni demam. taktaw kenapa. maybe sebab cuaca tak menentu. malam sejuk, siang panas macam minyak goreng ayam UncleBob kat DC tuu.

well, i hate when i'm sick. yeww serbanistas semua, sakit menggugurkan dosa. i know. bukan tak suka sakit, tapi guwa tak suka feeling bila time guwa sakit. i just feel..needy and wanting someone to lean on. wanting to cry out loud, wanting to be calmed, caressed, nostalgic and longing for someone to hold on. i just felt weak mentally and physically during the not so well times. and tahukah anda, perasaan tuu sangat tak best?

bila demam, me just teringat LeeLee. me just wanting LeeLee. tak, in present circumstances, guwa taknak ponn hope untuk LeeLee ada sebelah guwa, tuam dahi guwa ke apa semua tuu. taknak. just enough if dia just can give me a short message "Lala, take care and get well soon.". that 6 words enough to makes me feel better already. omg, i'm sobbing hardly while typing this. :'(

maigadddd. i hate to feel this way. i just hate myself. i hate myself because i can never let you go. i hate myself for hurting my own self this bad. Ya Khaliq, please, don't make me rely onto people. don't make me lives in memories. if he didn't meant to be mine, please make me redha to let him go from my heart. if he isn't mine, please don't let me wait for him again. if my name didn't written to be his zaujah in Luh Mahfuz, please take away all these love and misses that i had accumulated for him over these years. i'm already weak from the nothingness that tangled around my heart. :'(((

all this time, i've had lied to people, lied to myself. i pretend to be happy, pretend to have moved on, pretend to have someone else, but in reality, no matter how much i tried to conceal my feeling to myself, deep inside, i always love and miss you, LeeLee. only you didn't know how this time i've waited for you loyally, never stop mentioning you in my prayers, done this, done that, everything. why? because even with you was the shortest relationship period i ever had, but only you whom had carved inside my heart and my soul. i love you Muhd Fadhli, always.

notes of nonsense #93: pimple pimple go away

assalammualaikum and afternoon semua. sori ah geng lama tak hapdet. wifi kat Teratai 1 penthouse 1602 ni tak berapa nak laju laa gamoknye. taktaw laa whether laptop and fon guwa yang nak masuk ke laut or router wifi Teratai ni yang nak masuk ke laut. -,-

oke, arini macam nak buat product review laa sikit. sesiapa yang ada kulit korporat macam guwa sila angkat ketiak tinggi tinggi 90 darjah mengadap arah Timor Leste. so far, sesiapa yang ada masalah pimple pimple go away dengan kulit sensitip, boleh laa try product yang guwa suggest ni. :P

oke, Cetaphil tuu cleanser. ada dua jenis if not mistaken. for oily and breakouts skin and for all skin types. guwa pakai yang for all skin types tuu sebab guwa rasa yang untuk oily tuu macam harsh untuk kulit superdry combination sensitif guwa ni. productnya agak bagus. dermatologists recommended. formulated by dermatologist jugak. gentle and non drying. so far, dua hari pakai guwa da nampak laa differences on my skin. skin is softer, brighter, scars less visible, pimples lessen, skin allergies significantly lessen. fyi, kulit guwa sensitif gila tenuk. tambah tambah bila selalu sunburn time berkawad, lagi laa lost balance. tapi since convert to Cetaphil ni, hurmmm boleh dikatakan my skin is back on normal trail. nampak licin je macam kulit guwa time form 4 dulu. and paling guwa suka, it dissolve and cleanse make up too. but on double rinsing laa. cons about this cleanser pulak, agak mahal. satu tube 473ml cost around MYR 55. tapi guwa rasa berbaloi sebab boleh pakai lama. nak basuh muka just dispense setengah pump je. secondly, Cetaphil ni tak berbuih and takde bau sedap sedap fruity fruity macam previous cleanser guwa. setakat ni, guwa highly recommend Cetaphil untuk semua orang. best!

next, untuk camouflage blemishes pulak, guwa recommend SimplySiti Clear Solution punya BB Cream. guwa ponn tak sengaja ter-try benda ni. guwa tak minat cream cream ni. previously ponn, guwa pakai Maybelline BB Mousse je. tetiba aritu nampak cream ni tengah sale dekat Guardian PKNS. tak sampai MYR 30 ponn. test kat tangan macam heavy je. tapi bila da pakai ehhh, lembut gila. coverage ponn oke depending on your desire laa kan. in short sebab malas nak menaip pepanjang sebab mata da berat nak tidoq, pros- medium to high coverage (*red patches, acne scar, pores less visible), matte soft finish (*boleh nampak texture kulit nampak licin gila), wangi and mild scented (*suka sebab bau green tea tuu sedap, calming and not overwhelming), moisturizing but at same time oil controlling. guwa bukan jenis yang flawless, that's why guwa kena pakai BB Cream untuk cover imperfection guwa. natural beauty is nice but for someone who isn't blessed with clear skin macam guwa, a lil camouflage tuu perlu. tak suka mekap heavy heavy, tapi enough kalau benda tuu boost more confidence, makes you appear more presentable etc etc. :)

*ze smile from ze very satisfied customer :P*

last but not least, boleh laa ace try dua product kat atas ni. saje share information buat sesiapa yang tak jumpa lagi compatible product untuk buat pimple pimple go away. takdenya guwa share sebab dapat duit royalti minyak ke hape. guwa beli pakai duit PaMa je bhaii memandangkan PT sudah ditolak dengan jayanya. anyway if you dare, give it a try. (*i'm not a dermatologist so result may vary according to individuals). :)

sekian. babai nak tidoq. jumpa daku dalam mimpimu. aisehhh. :P

notes of nonsense #92: what happen to me exactly

 SELAMAT KEMBALI KE SEMESTER 3!

fighting!

*megawatts smile before class!*

*muka bahagia dapat kolej baru*

PS: taktaw nak tulis apa. hopefully guwa dapat menghadapi sem 3 dengan tabah ah gamoknya. guwa homesick, guwa rindu rumah, rindu family, rindu kucing, rindu katil double guwa, and foremost guwa rindu LeeLee. apa khabar agaknya beliau sekarang? :'( ah, esok pergi berjimba dekat Bukit Bintang laa. mana taw jumpa LeeLee pulak kat sana kan? :)

notes of nonsense #91: personal coaching

assalammualaikum and op op op oppa gangnam style! kahkah. jadah harem boleh tak gangnam style manjang. guwa da naik elergik menengok and mendengor adik guwa dok putaq lagu tuu hari hari. oke back to ballpoint pen, hari ni guwa kena transformasi berganda dengan Ma. chewah da macam manifesto pilihanraya pulak transformasi berganda bagai.

hari ni ma guwa bagi full-time personal coaching kaw kaw punyalah. kalah Dr Sheila punya contract's lecture sem lepas. bengkak jugak ah telinga guwa mendengar. hati ponn bengkak jugak ah pasal Ma tak habis habis dok kondem make-up style guwa. make-up style? sila jangan terbayang guwa pakai high heels dengan smokey eyes and vampire lips. bapak geli. guwa tak buat semua tuu hokay.

oke setakat guwa hidup 20 tahun ni, guwa takdelah nak ber-make up mana. almost non existence ponn ada. unless ada certain event or occasion eg dinner, photoshoot day, raya etc etc. i don't spend much on make-up either. not my priority. lagiponn nak buat apa siaa. guwa berkawad, jalan kaki pergi kelas, bersukan bagai. buat cair je make-up. da laa nak basuh ponn nanti susah nak tanggal.

first time guwa make up masa umur 18. lepas spm guwa kerja Pizza Hut so as waitress, bigboss paksa guwa pakai mekap. kalau dia tak paksa, takde maknanya weyh guwa nak tepek segala seshadow, eyeliner bagai. thank God sebab Ma guwa bekas model, guwa berjaya mendapatkan andaman free dari beliau tanpa perlu mengendeng serta membodek. except bila pergi Watson's time gaji, Ma akan paw guwa lipstick Revlon or Loreal sebatang dua. -,-

*hallo. for whom may concern, fyi this is your mother in law. :P*

barang mekap guwa yang pelik pelik iaitu eyeshadow, fake eyelashes, lash curler and segala yang tak berkaitan dengan basic make up bukan guwa punya jugak. mostly benda benda camtu Ma punya. Ma guwa agak daring sikit. setakat smokey eyes, gothic look tuu almost everyday guwa tengok. Ma guwa ponn agak tanned, so bila she pulls green-grey smokeys, lawa gila siaa. and she'd more sepet eyes like mine so when she pulls heavy lined, resulting in rock chic laa pulak. tak seperti anaknya aka guwa yang mata besaq and sangat sangat susah nak mekap tang mata ni.

*who's who?*

lagiponn, guwa lebih kepada indie and vintage style kott. i dig more into heavy patterned clothing and accessories. mostly with Aztec prints, vintages and bold colors. sebab tuu tak fokus sangat pada mekap cz taknak ah pakai Aztec print, tudung merah makngah pahtu smokey eyes pulak. so the fashion victim. duhh.  so my make up only consist of bb mousse (*guwa rasa nak peluk siapa yang invent bb mousse ni. seriously best creation ever!), black mascara and black eyeliner (*kalau rajin pakai), apricot colored blush (*if tak rajin guwa akan cubit pipi sendiri sampai nampak macam pakai blusher. seriously.), and the yadadaa bedak Johnson's. hah ni wajib. wajibul ghunnah. kalau takde guwa mati. satu lagi Johnson's bedtime baby oil. ni laa guwa punya savior. multi function benornya baby oil ni pada guwa. body lotion, cuticle softener, conditioner rambut and stimulant untuk tidoq ah pastinya. kahkah.

*me (right) and wani (left). totally bareface masa tengah ber-sispa*

oke tadi Ma dok manjang kondem guwa. cakap guwa pakai eyeliner salah laa, mascara macam tak pakai laa, blusher macam takde laa.. aiyoh. poker face! pulak tuu, guide bukan as personal style coach tapi macam boxing instructor. fuhh Sarjan Azami yang ajaq kawad kaki ponn tak segarang Ma guwa. tadi sempat ah test white eyeliner. sebab aritu guwa beli tapi taktaw nak pakai camne. so tadi try pull letak along waterline tuu. end result, bapak macam Proboscis boleh tak?! nak taw amende Proboscis tuu sila taip and tekan enter di Google Mall ye. tak puas hati sebab Ma pakai lawa je. ceit. last last guwa bagi je white liner tuu kat Ma. in return dapat mascara cat eyes yang ada kepala Hello Kitty tuu.

yadadaa, me indulge more in skincare. yolah, pepaham laa since jadi budak kawad *acehwahh ayat macam hebat. taktaw realiti kawad macam err..*, since berkawad normal ah rentung hangus and breakouts tuu. nak nak yang oily skin macam guwa. tiap kali kawad, hamekaw belang ikut sharp 360 degree celcius line tudung guwa. bila freehair, nampak macam pakai tudung already. paling tak tahan sunburn ah. guwa after each kawad, memang tepek bedak sejuk 10 meter dalam 5 kaki lebar. fyi, kulit guwa combination dry-oily and sensitif pulak tuu. kulit korporat laa katakan. bila sunburn, perghhhhhhhh rasa macam kena simbah dengan sos extra hot Nando's peri peri. so in the end, apa lagi, jadi orang berpantang ah dengan rambut sanggul tinggi and muka bedak sejuk. another thing, guwa banyak whitening and sloughing products. sekarang sejak di-introduce and di-spedo Nano White oleh PaMa, penuh jugak laa barang Nano White kat meja guwa. except day cream. guwa tak pakai day cream cz da pakai bb mousse kan. so da cukup moisturized da tuu kott *padahal pemalas nak pakai day cream. krim nye ada je buat berkulat depan mata*.

akhir kalam ke tilam, tak kira laa make up hebat camne ponn, dressup gempak camne sekaliponn, just be yourself. don't mend to people style but mend your own. yang penting diri sendiri bahagia and satisfied. tak kisah laa guwa selalu breakout ke, pakai eyeliner terlebih belok ke, yang penting, i've live in my own skin in my own distinctive ways. and i'm grateful for everything i had. myself, my family, LeeLee, memories, friends, and just every single little thing, i'm still alive. people had hurt me, but i'm still living the whole journey as Allah permissibly gave me. i've lost people, but i also had known more. think positive. tuu yang LeeLee ajar kat guwa. apaponn yang berlaku, just think about the good sides. everything happens for a reason. ekceli, guwa tak ingat sangat put how to wear eyeliner. lepas kena ceramah tadi, guwa lebih banyak refreshing myself. reminding myself, rewinding my past, rough skecthing my future. yess, i may change a little bit here and there,  but still, deep down, i'm still the same Faraa as you knew me back then. and i'm upgrading myself, mending myself to be a better person, so i can be your zaujah. acehwahh. semangat A Samad samad meresap dalam jiwa. bangga Cikgu Mastine yang ajar guwa BM dulu. harhar.

I AM GRATEFUL FOR HAVING:

*my flawed self*

*my little family*

*given chance to know LeeLee*

*met reliable and faithful friends*

*and surviving and living the life with memories, tears and laughter*

P/S: eh baru perasan. post panjang panjang, ending merepek. takde kaitan langsung dengan intro, body semua. sory ah geng. guwa tensen kuasa kuda ni. dari last 2 weeks tak boleh nak register course. bayangkan ah budak Law je yang tak boleh lagi. course lain semua da boleh goyang tongkeng bersila kat rumah. guwa ni da macam nak gila hadap portal ni haa.

notes of nonsense #90: differences

people always said, 

i am DIFFERENT.

i listen to The Libertines, i wear vintage pieces, i don't walk in heels but i walk in high cuts. i don't own diamonds, i own wooden bangles. i don't have the wavy free flow hair but i wear hijab the way people don't usually wears. i don't paste Lancome my skin, i stick to drugstore brands. i don't color my lips with Dior or Estee Lauder, enough only to wear my trusted Nivea lip balm and nothing else. i browse for my pieces not in MidValley, far not the Pavi, but i search them in Bazar Karat. whether it'll be Danau Kota, Jalan TAR or Johor Bahru. i don't wear pastels on my date, i wears my band t-shirt and jeans. i seldom wears flowers, i prefer Aztec prints. i'm not the type who prefer to date in a posh places, enough if you can walk and laugh with me in the rain. there's no need for candlelight dinner, enough if you shared listening to my iPod with me, walk me to I-City or accompany the fearful me walking down Bukit Bintang late at night watching mak and bapak hayam. for me, it is romantic to be riding and screaming together in the KTM, walking for miles around KL, holding hands through the times and swapping smiles on the escalator of TS rather than berkepit in Secret Recipe and riding a Ferrari. i may be fierce as a tigress, nevertheless i can be soft as a cotton candy, fragile as Chinas and as sharp as the razor, depending on how you treat me. i may laugh at you for flirting in front of me, the one who never nag at you though you're a heavy smoker, be a clown just to make you smile, be your extra shoulders when you're troubled, be your best friend + girlfriend at the same time and yet i can be the worst person you ever know. yes, i may be differ from any girls you would ever know. i'm not rich, i'm not beautiful. i'm troubled, i'm flawed, i'm imperfect for being me. yet i'm grateful and i'm happy. and it were the differences that we had that binds our hearts together. we may never be clasping hands again but we knew, we've clasped our hearts together. and deep inside, i know, even when i've gone out of your sight, you still miss and can't forget me right? it's okay. i'll keep it as our darkest secret. i promise. :)

*flawed but comel kan? :P*

 *P/S: guwa takde mood sangat sebenarnya. sumpah teringat somebody. Ya Rabbi, sampai bila laa guwa nak ingatkan mamat tu. heartaches taw? adohai. dala badan lebam lebam coz guwa jatuh tergolek dalam jamban semalam. dengan hati sekali da lebam lebam ni. demm. -,-

notes of nonsense #89: untitled

Arbeit Macht Frei

*google traslate sendiri ah meaning dia. guwa malas sejak beraya ni. almaklong, terlebih makan so pepaham laa. badan  semakin memberat. so kekatil jelaa jawabnya. kahkah. :P

notes of nonsense #88: :)

selamat belated hari raya.

maaf zahir je, no batin batin. kang batal puasa. harhar. :P

*sori pic tak pakai baju raya. malas. kira untung guwa tak pakai uniform sispa taw snap pic. :P*

notes of nonsense #87: wiser day by day

*ini post jiwang jiwang. sesiapa yang penggeli, boleh klik pangkah kat hujung belah kanan. tenkiu ubi kayu*

assalammualaikum stalkers and haters sekalian. terima kasih kerana telah tune in kat channel belog guwa. teruskan men-stalk guwa laa yew. moga moga semakin mencanak canak trafik belog guwa. HAHA. :P

well, lama tak hapdet. mostly sebab malas nak on lappy. idea nak hapdet post berlambak lambak tapi tulaa, guwa malas nak on lappy, nak bluetooth gambar dari phone masuk ke lappy, then nak type post lagi. kurus jari guwa nanti. longgar je time guwa nak sarung cincin time raya nanti. :P

hokay, kontotkan cerita, hari ni mood guwa sesayu di ambang syawal. pagi tadi guwa borak borak dengan ma, boleh pulak ma tanya "Lee apa khabar? ada jumpa dia lagi tak?". guwa terus terdiam. teringat last time guwa jumpa dia 2 bulan lepas. guwa cerita aa semua kat mama, berderai derai airmata ohh.

me: da block number dia. malas nak ingat laa ma. biar jelaa lost contact camtu. hmm hmm.
ma: alaa, macam Mama tak tahu, Faa block ke, cuba nak lupa ke, tengok muka Faa ponn Ma da tau, dalam hati Faa tuu, Faa sebenarnya tunggu Lee je kann selama ni. jangan nak tipu laa. tengok Faa monyok tu ponn, dari cara Faa cerita kat Mama ponn, Ma da dapat tangkap, tak kira laa berapa ramai lelaki yang masuk dalam hidup Faa, budak kedah ke, budak SISPA ke, Harraz ke, Kurt ke, Mama taw, Faa still tak boleh lupakan Lee kan? sebab tu since Lee takde, Faa macam takde hati je kat orang lain. sebab apa? sebab Faa tak boleh lepaskan lagi Lee kan? i know laa Faa. Faa anak Mama. Faa sorang je anak perempuan Mama. Mama taw perasaan Faa tuu. honestly, Ma suka jugak kat Lee tuu. even tengok gambar je, tapi Ma rasa Lee tuu baik. dari cara Faa cerita dekat Ma, Ma dapat rasa yang dia tuu memang ikhlas sayangkan Faa. that's why Me berani cakap, tula reason Faa smitten dengan Lee and sampai sekarang still sayangkan dia kan? tengok macam sekarang, baru Mama sebut nama Lee, Faa da menangis da. Mama taw sangat laa, Faa sayang lagi kat Lee tuu. Mama ponn taknak paksa Faa. Faa da besar. Mama ponn paham, bukan senang kita nak buang orang yang kita sayang walauponn orang tuu hanya bertahan dengan kita sekejap je. Mama taw hati Faa. just Mama nak ingatkan, macam pesan Lee, Faa pandai laa jaga diri. ada jodoh, adalah. kalau takde, redha je Faa.

guwa da meleleh leleh da air mata bila Ma cakap camtu. seriously guwa ingat Mama taktaw. rupanya even guwa diam, Ma dapat jugak baca hati guwa. hmm hmm. time solat Zohor tuu, guwa nangis kott dalam sujud. guwa da redha. guwa da cuba ohh lupakan LeeLee, guwa cuba approach orang lain, guwa cuba try sayangkan orang lain but still, at the end of the day, guwa terpaksa back-off sebab hati guwa tak boleh terima. guwa da move on tapi hati guwa tak let go lagi. so sekarang ni yang mampu guwa buat is redha je. macam guwa selalu cakap pada member member guwa, redha tuu penting. kalau ada jodoh, even macam mana teruk ponn, in the end kita akan bersama. but if jodoh tuu takde, bercinta bertahun tahun ponn tak bersama jugak. :'(

*i still had this picture in my purse :)*

apaponn, guwa berterima kasih pada LeeLee. sebab dia, guwa da makin matang sekarang. da kurang sikit kott perangai budak budak and never serious guwa dulu tuu. sekarang guwa less hypocrite, before buat apa apa, guwa banyak fikirkan hati orang lain dulu. and guwa rasa guwa much better dari dulu. guwa da pakai tudung, da takde solat celop celop lagi, attitude ponn da tak ganas sangat da. even Ma tak support ponn guwa pakai tudung sebab ma kata better time muda ni laa nak freehair, nak serlahkan asset kita, nak melawa and try macam macam fashion tapi guwa still hold on pada hijab guwa. sebab? selain kewajipan, guwa rasa secure. guwa rasa selamat pakai tudung. guwa rasa lebih kompiden kott pakai tudung. why? entah laa. maybe different person, different view kott. but honestly, guwa memang selesa berhijab compared to freehair dulu. huhu. perasaan guwa sekarang ni? guwa rasa 'mehh'. guwa kompius. berbelah bahagi taw tak whether nak proceed single or move on dengan orang lain. so in the end, guwa doa kalau guwa ada jodoh dengan dia, guwa akan kembali semula. kalau takde, please tutup pintu hati guwa pada dia. semoga satu hari nanti, akan ada somebody yang hensem rupa dan hensem hatinya yang dapat bukak semula hati guwa. setakat ni tak jumpa lagi kott walauponn da ramai yang approach. entah laa. guwa ni stone-faced and stone-hearted kott. madah kalau kena usha guwa bagi alasan "kita kawan je. saya nak focus study dulu" or "Ma saya tak bagi saya ber-couple time study". POYO. alasan sangat laa zaman SPM ye di situ. zaman zaman SPM dulu boleh laa bagi alasan kanak kanak camtu, zaman sekarang nampak sangat sengal belimbing nye guwa ni bila bagi alasan camtu kat orang. =..='

deep down, guwa sebenarnya rindu jugak pada LeeLee. how much i denied my feelings about him, how much i said i don't give a damn about him, last last guwa bengkak jugak mata bila teringat kat dia, ter-feeling Ombak rindu kat dia. coz setakat ni guwa rasa, hanya dia je yang ikhlas sayangkan guwa, yang sangat sangat understanding, yang boleh terima guwa seadanya. dia je the one and only yang tak pernah paksa guwa berubah jadi orang lain. and banyak lagi laa sebab yang buatkan dia berry much strawberry different from other person. kalau nak explain kat sini, memang raya tahun depan ponn tak habis lagi.

*LeeLee, imissyou. :'(*

hmm..bye.

notes of nonsense #86: setelah sekian

assalammualaikum and hallow stalkers semua. harhar. belog guwa da ada stalkers setia gamoknya. patut laa mencanak canak trafik belog guwa. kehkeh. bagus. pencapaian yang memberangsangkan bak penjualan pil perangsang. ehh? -,-

hokay. dua tiga hari ni guwa private belog atas sebab sebab masalah teknikal. mesti semua stalkers rindukan guwa kan? kehkeh. alolo. jangan laa stalk guwa, nanti guwa perasan diva pulak. :P apa kata kalau add je fb guwa? search je Faraa Chan. kalau nak senang, follow je guwa kat twitter @faraafaachan. taip je, nanti keluar laa page Faraa Winchester yang ber-background-kan wallpaper Alex Turner tengah goreng drumbass. better follow twitter laa sebab guwa aktif kat twitter. Fb semua bagai tuu tak berapa nak aktif sebab lambat nak download. kenapa entah. -,- add or follow je guwa. guwa ni baik orangnya. guwa tak makan orang, guwa makan nasi je. kehkeh.

oke, da lama tak hapdet belog. almaklong polong, agak busy sejak balik bercuti ni. nak nak bulan puasa ni, kerja guwa kemas-masak-makan-basuh baju-blablabla. nak tulis semua kang sampai raya haji 2 tahun depan belum tentu habis guwa explain. moreover mat over, guwa taktaw nak hapdet apa. banyak sangat nak hapdet sampai bila je guwa sign in blogger nak write post, da terlupa da semua. overcapacity of excited-ness nak meng-hapdet belog maybe.

hari ni malas aa hapdet banyak banyak. taktaw nak cakap apa laa.

DUNHILL = Dunia Umpama Neraka Hidup Ibarat Layang-Layang
MARLBORO = Manusia Akan Ramai Lahir Bila Orang Rogol Orang
SURYA = Sesuai Untuk Remaja Yang Aktif
SAAT = Sedut Apabila Anda Terdesak
RAVE = Rokok Ada Vitamin E
KENT = Kenapa Engkau Nak Tahu?

notes of nonsense #85: sentap

*ini adalah post geli geli. sesiapa yang ada geli receptor yang amat sensitif tuu, sila laa tekan pangkah kat belah kanan anda.

*ini adalah kopipasta dari Fb. bukan ilham dari guwa. guwa tak cukup hormon jiwang ah nak bagi cerita cerita leleh ni. kalau nak suruh guwa karaoke lagu periodic table guwa mampu ah. :P

boy : awk...maafkan sy..
girl : ye....kenapa awk minta maaf?
boy: sbb sy dah tinggalkan awk..sy dah sakitkan hati awk...sy korbankan cinta awk
demi cinta org yg lukakan hati sy dulu...maafkan sy...please...
girl : :)

boy : kenapa awk senyum...kenapa diam je... awk maafkan sy?
girl : yeee...sy maafkan awk...
boy: betul?
girl : betul...dh lama dh sy maafkan awk...tapi...
boy : tapi ape?
girl : tapi....tidak mungkin sy menerima awk lagi...sebab semalam awk tinggalkan
sy tanpa kasihan..tanpa mempedulikan sy...tanpa menghargai hati sy...demi
org yg awk cintai... dulu...sy pernah ubati luka awk...sy rawat awk...sy beri
cinta dan kasih syg sy unt awk...sampailah awk sembuh..lepas tu...awk dah
kembali ceria...tapi "virus" itu dtg lagi......awk buang ubat awk...awk rela
diserang virus tu lg...sekarang....awk sakit lg.....dan hari ni awk mula
memerlukan ubat itu...awk igt x...awk dh buang ubat tu...dan x mungkin awk
akn mjumpai ubat y same...carilah ubat lain...kerana x mustahil jika awk
sembuh lg dengan ubat y same...awk akan buang lg ubat tu... ;')
boy: awk....
girl : itulah namanya...TAKDIR CINTA... assalamualaikum.... :)

P/S: sedih nok guwa baca menda alah ni. syahdu di ambang syawal terasa dalam jiwa. macam familiar je kan story ni dengan life guwa? harhar.  kadang kadang, guwa duduk sorang sorang, teringat lu doe. serious.  :')

notes of nonsense #84: rememberance

'cause remembering you, is my new form of suffering..'

every minutes i'm struggling to be a better muslimah, better person, a better daughter, a better Faraa. cause i though maybe it's the best way that i'll forget you. in the end, though it's been many years, i still can't forget you, LeeLee. :')

notes of nonsense #83: 15th ramadhan

Ya Allah, aku serahkan segala padaMu. tetapkanlah yang terbaik untukku. sesungguhnya aku sayangkan dia. dia adalah sebab utama aku dapat lupakan Lee sesaat dalam hidupku. dia adalah sebab utama aku terdorong untuk berubah menjadi lebih baik. dia laa sebab aku lupa segala pahit yang pernah orang lain palitkan ke atasku.

aku ingin menjadi sebahagian dari hidupnya, tapi aku tahu, hanya Engkau sajalah yang berkuasa untuk menentukan segalanya. bantulah aku Ya Khaliq. bantulah aku untuk menjadi lebih kuat. kiranya dia bukan untukku, bantulah aku untuk melupakannya Ya Rabb...:'(

notes of nonsense #82: slowpoke

assalammualaikum. orait. jangan nak hipokrit sangat. tetiba je mood muslimah pulak memalam ni. mentang da kenyang terus on mood muslimah. :P

firstly, selamat berpuasa. *slowpoke*. secondly, sorry sebab da lama tak hapdet belog ni. mesti stalker semua rindu kat guwa kan? *garu ketiak*. guwa da kat rumah, cuti sem yang panjang berjela ni mematikan semua pertumbuhan neuron neuron dalam otak guwa. so guwa takde bahan nak di-hapdet untuk para stalker sekalian putaralam.

setakat hari ke-9 puasa ni, perasaan guwa sangat laa sayu di ambang syawal. tetiba je dapat hidayah nak berubah. *ececece*. like seriously, guwa nak berubah laa der. tak nak da freehair freehair segala. guwa nak pakai tudung je selagi badan guwa dikandung daging. mesti laa dikandung daging, kalau dikandung lemak macam not sure pulak. almaklum daun selom, lemak guwa da semakin mengurang sejak makan Herbalife ni. turn 4kilo tuu. jangan memain. naik sem depan badan aku kompom macam Kim Kardashian. :P

*dua hari berturut makan benda ni. mimpi laa nak badan macam Kim :P*

and guwa juga da berazam nak jadi baik. penat aa jadi jahat. boring. buli orang, tapi jiwa kosong jugak. so pe kata kalau jadi baik je kan? dapat pahala lagi. sepanjang ramadhan ni guwa aim nak khatam quran. setakat ni da nak masuk Surah Al-Maidah da. guwa baca mengensot ngensot. nak lelaju memang tak laa kan memandangkan realitinya guwa bukan orang arab walaupun sejarah mengatakan yang moyang guwa memang orang arab. guwa ponn unsure tang mana yang arab nya tuu. cam takde je pada diri guwa ni. guwa saspek ciri ciri arab tuu ada pada buah pinggang guwa. guwa yakin habis laa buah pinggang guwa ni keturunan arab.

berbalik kepada apam balik, selain misi me-muslimah-kan diri, guwa juga on mission untuk putihkan balik kulit guwa yang terlebih garing since guwa sunbathing dekat UMT dulu tuu. big boss and mem besar guwa ponn dengan jayanya telah meng-invest angpaw gaji mereka membelikan guwa full set pencerah muka Nano White. nampak tak elemen menganjing disitu? mungkin guwa terlalu rentung barangkali, tuu yang mereka lincah je beli set putih kulit untuk guwa. sebelum ni, dorang mana nak belikan guwa krim krim segala ni. sebab kedua dorang bagi pulak, guwa saspek dorang berharap guwa dapat mendapat iras iras Diana Danielle lepas pakai Nano White tuu. kompom. yelaa, kalau tengok dari sudut pandangan atas, memang jelas lagi nyata muka guwa ada iras Diana Danielle. so untuk lebih nampak lagi ke-kembar-an guwa dengan Diana Danielle, guwa kena laa tabur selonggok Nano White kat muka, ye dakk? :P

*me during sunbathing at UMT. ignore babat yang terdapat di merata rata tempat*

fuhh banyak jugak guwa da hapdet ni. dalam kegersangan otak guwa di ambang ramadhan ni, ada jugak terkeluar idea nak menge-post *clapclap*. ekceli banyak lagi guwa nak hapdet ni, tapi nanti dulu aa. bila benda tuu da kompom jadi, da tak kelabu kelabu taik cicak kubing lagi, da orait cantekk semua, guwa kasi up kat sini aa. oke laa geng. jari guwa ponn da senak da menaip. chow aa. boboi.

*me during 8th day of fasting. stranded dekat kedai tayar sebab kereta pancit. ffffuuu!*

PS: overall weight loss guwa 7kilo. balik balik JB semua cakap guwa da kurus, athletic bagai. terima kasih kepada Herbalife. psssttt. sekarang guwa rajin mesej Hazim Babyface. dia ponn cam oke je melayan guwa. siap call me maybe dengan guwa satu malam tuu. hihi. suara dia comel gilaa siot. loike loike. :DDDDDD

notes of nonsense #81: nomnomnomnom

ek ehem. eheh. comel kan baju peach tu? hee. xD

notes of nonsense #80: kecomelan

oke. ini COMEL. guwa jumpa dia kat terengganu time pentauliahan sispa. nama dia Hazim. kontinjen sispa uniKL MIAT. hehe. :D

notes of nonsense #79: why? why? why?

kenapa aku tak nampak NASI? why? why? why? kenapaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...... TT____TT

notes of nonsense #78: sleepy sunday

*tuan tanah kedaung*

P/S: guwa masih dalam proses memakai tudung. dan juga me-ladies-kan cara pemakaian guwa. :)

notes of nonsense #77: speechless saturday

BEFORE/DURING EXAMS:

*makan megi cuz nak cepat- jimat masa belajar katanya*

*dinding penuh dengan notes - belajar sambil baring katanya*

*memalam study. makan mufin segera je mampu - again kunun  malas turun beli makan cz nak study*

*gila study siaaaaa. sampai tidoq kat lantai bebagai*

*timetable exam buat wallpaper kat lappy and fon *

AFTER EXAM WEEK PASSED:

*pangkah semua notes kat dinding. packing things like a boss. timetable first sekali kena pangkah*

*da beraya dulu. orang belum puasa guwa da rasmi biskut raya dulu*

*tak main da mufin segera. pergi PKNS semata mata nak beli homemade freshly baked muffins. tak peduli da jimat masa ke tak*

*yamseng-ing my merdeka-ness from the 2nd sem exam papers with cupcakes. harhar*

by the power conferred upon me, i hereby declare myself, free and independent from the law final exam papers for this term. till we meet again in third sem. Merdeka and all hail Faraa. xD